Mama Morgan

Can I just brag for a moment?

I just need to say how incredibly proud I am of my oldest daughter, Jaliyah.  She graduated from kindergarten a couple weeks ago and did extremely well on her report card.  (Which, let me just say is no longer really a report “card” by any means…it’s more like a report paper.  Schools are cutting corners where they can I suppose.  Ok, back to what I was saying.)

In kindergarten, they don’t give the traditional letter grades; instead, they measure in numbers and letters that tell you if they are achieving at the expected grade level.  I am so pleased that she got “above grade level” marks in all areas!

We are noticing that she is especially gifted in language arts – she picked up reading and just excelled in it.  She loves books and reads everything she comes across.  We will be driving and she’s in the back of the van rambling off street names and business signs.  We can no longer spell words around her to keep things secret – she knows what we are spelling and is quick to point it out.

I have to admit that I was slightly apprehensive sending her to school this past fall.  Her birthday is in mid-July and she just barely made the cut off for our previous school district by a couple of weeks, making her the youngest in her class.  I went back and forth for the entire summer debating whether to send her or wait another year.  The last thing I wanted was for her to struggle through school her whole life and end up not enjoying it because she was always behind her peers.  Deep down though, I just knew she was ready and honestly, I thought she’d be bored staying home with me another year.

So, off to kindergarten she went.  She started with half-day in the afternoons back in Gahanna.  Her school had two kindergarten classes: one full-day class and her class, of only 14 kids that attended half-day.  Then, in early December we relocated 100 miles back to my hometown and I enrolled her at my old elementary school.  There, they had three kindergarten classes (each with at least 20 kids) and they all attended full-day (and she had to wear a school-uniform, too top off all the changes)!  I again worried that the adjustment would be too much for her.  I feared that going from half-day to full day and changing schools and moving mid-school year would be too difficult for her.

Instead, she just flourished.  She was blessed with an incredible teacher. She was just amazingly kind and took her under her protective wing.

On her last day of school, I walked her to her class to say thank-you and good-bye to her kindergarten teacher.  Since relocating, we had finally found a home of our own; so for first grade, Jaliyah will be enrolled in a new school district so that she can ride the bus to school (and so mama and daddy won’t have to make 40-minute round trips to take her to and from school.)  Her teacher was aware she would be transferring and told me she was preparing a portfolio of Jaliyah’s classwork to forward to her new teacher.  She said she “wanted to make sure that they were aware of what level work she is doing” and she mentioned that she “didn’t know the new schools requirements for first grade.”  Of course, I panicked and asked her if she thought Jaliyah was ready for first grade (and if she wasn’t, why was I not made aware of this until now)?  She laughed and told me just the opposite.  She was sending a portfolio so they new district new what Jaliyah was capable of.  Sending them examples of her work that they would make sure she was challenged and perhaps get her involved in some “gifted” classes.  Then she told me that Jaliyah was currently reading at a second to third grade reading level.  Really?!  I mean, I knew she was reading, but I didn’t realize how well she was reading!!

Bless her little heart.  She is such an amazing child and I am so proud of how much she is growing and learning and maturing.  She has embraced education and absolutely loves learning new things.  I hope she will always enjoy school and that she will always push herself to excel in all she does.  It brings me so much joy to just be her mama (and Kamiya’s too).  I hope I am doing a good enough job of letting her know how proud I am to call her my daughter.

I don’t often like to “toot my own horn” but when it comes to my girls – I will blast it loudly.  That’s just what mamas do.  :-)

I haven’t blogged in awhile.  I could lie and make up a hundred excuses of why and then carry on with another post as if nothing happened, hoping that something would “click” and I would just start churning out posts again.

But, let me just be honest for a moment.  I don’t blog as frequently because of this blog.  Wait…what?  Yes, you read that correctly.  One reason I don’t blog as often is because I try to avoid this blog as much as possible.  Forget that it’s out there.  I pretend I don’t remember that there is somewhere in cyber-space an announcement (and photo, too) that happily shared we would be having a third child.

Oh, and that’s not all this blog holds.  The very next post announced my miscarriage and heartbreak.  I’ve even posted a few other times about the frustration and hurt that my secondary infertility is causing.  I thought I was opening up completely then…but I was still trying to be polite and not make those posts too gloomy and depressing.  I have never wanted to create a blog in which I am “fake” or which I try to deceive my readers.  I never wanted this blog to go down this path…and I never imagined I would be writing on such subjects.  When I started the blog, I wanted to share a bit of my daily life with you.  I expected that I would gain a loyal following of readers and entertain them with some witty writing and some absolute adorableness from my girls.  I’d throw in a recipe here or there to keep it interesting and I’d be in happy blogger mode.  Well, I don’t have a huge following of readers…but I know there are a few who check in on this blog every so often, hoping to see a new post.

So, I owe it to you to give you a real run down of what’s been going on and why I hesitated to post for so long.  This isn’t going to be the best composed post ever, I apologize in advance.   I am trying to sort through a wave of emotion and be real here.  Bare with me.

In case you don’t know the back story…my husband and I have been trying to conceive (TTC) for almost 21 months.  Almost two years.  In that two year time span, I’ve been diagnosed with “secondary infertility” and been prescribed Clomid to force me to ovulate.  I have only done two cycles of Clomid.  The first, in April 2010, resulted in a pregnancy.  That baby I miscarried in May 2010.  I did another cycle of Clomid in the fall of 2010, once I had gotten the “all-clear” from my doctor to try again.  Obviously, that cycle failed and although I’ve been cleared to keep using the Clomid (we had planned to do no more than 4 cycles total due to research we had done on Clomid) I haven’t done any further cycles with it because I am too afraid that I’ll have to go through the miscarriage experience again.  (Please understand, I do not have evidence or medical research showing my miscarriage, or any miscarriage for that matter, was caused by Clomid – just one of those mental hurdles I need to get over.)

I’m sitting here broken and confused.  My body isn’t doing what it was created to do…and even medical intervention hasn’t helped.  It’s even more frustrating that my body has successfully carried two babies…so I know is DOES work, just why isn’t it working now?

Last year, I saw a glimmer of hope when I got that positive pregnancy test, only to have that hope to come crashing down around me.  For the last year I’ve been grieving a baby I never even knew.  A child that I never even got to hold or see.  How is it possible to miss something so much that you never even really had?

Anyway, 21 months.   Over 630 days.  That’s been my journey so far.  Without a positive test.  Without a baby bump.  Without another child in my arms.  If you haven’t experienced infertility – I don’t think you can fully understand the hurt and emptiness it can cause.  I pray daily, over and over and over again that if it’s not God’s will for our family to grow that He will take away the desire to have more children.  I pray that if He won’t bless me with another child that He will give me the peaceful feeling of our family being “complete”.

I’m daily plagued with feelings of guilt.  (After all, why can’t I just be happy with the two children God has blessed me with? How awfully selfish am I?)  I am surrounded by feelings of inadequacy.

I literally feel as though I am drowning and I need God to reach down and pull me back up.  I know He has a hold of my hand and has never let go, but I am struggling against the rise and fall of the tides; I have good days dealing with my infertility and I have horrible days.  Every time I manage to keep my head above water, another wave slams into me, forcing me back under.

The girls ask for a baby sister or brother – *crash* – a wave hits me.

I see a pregnant woman at the store or a mother holding her baby – *crash* – another wave pushes me back under.

A friend or acquaintance announces their pregnancy – *crash* – there goes another wave.

I’ve babbled and rambled my way through this post, and for that I apologize.  All I will ever guarantee is that this blog will always be 100% honest and that what you read here is the “real me”.  So, this is me being honest – completely honest.  This is me asking that I’m not looked down upon for sharing how I really feel.  All I ask from you, my readers, is that you lift me up in prayer.  I am desperately grasping for peace and the answers to questions I’m not even brave enough to ask.

I’m back!!  Did you miss me?  Sorry to leave you hanging but we’ve had a lot of changes happen over the past few months.  And you better hold on tight because I have a lot of “new” going on in my life.  New town, new job (well, my husband has a new job, that is), new house, new school (Jaliyah) = new adventures for the Harmon household.  I am so excited about where we are in life and what God has in store for us.  Please stop by every now and then to see what’s new and what we are up to.

~Morgan

Oh my goodness!

The last time I wrote, I said we were planning on relocating to my hometown of Fremont and that my husband was looking for a job in that area.  Then, I asked you to pray that he could find work up there.  Holy cow do your prayers work quickly!!  Today, less than one month after we decided to start looking to relocate to the Fremont area, Glenn was offered – and accepted – a job in Toledo!  He begins working there the first week of December.

So…Northwestern Ohio here we come!!!!

I am beyond excited and overjoyed that I will finally be closer to my family again.  The last time I lived in Fremont I was 18 and just graduated from high school.  A lot has changed since then…um…this time I am almost a decade older and I will have  my handsome husband and two beautiful little ladies in tow.  Can Fremont handle MamaMorgan’s family?

I certainly hope so because…ready-or-not…here we come!

…anyone have some they can send me?  Please?

I have a mountain of laundry to do and my house needs cleaned.  I really just want to climb back in bed and pull the covers over my head.  I just put my child on the bus to go to kindergarten for three hours…so…maybe a nice three hour nap would recharge my motivation.  Yes, a nap sounds lovely.  But then there’s this four year old who keeps following me around asking for a snack because she’s “huuuunnnngggrrrrryyyyy” and she is “sssttttaaaarrrrvvvvviiiinnngggg”.  Never mind the fact that she had a big breakfast and already had lunch…I apparently am out to starve her.  Nope no nap for me.  Such is the life of a mom, I suppose.

I’m rambling.  Probably because I have a lot on my mind.  Like the fact that we are currently considering uprooting our family and moving back to my hometown two hours north of here.  Oops…I let the cat out of the bag.  I don’t think I have that many regular readers (well, besides spammers – holy cow I get a ton of spam comments that I have to delete daily!)  Eh, it’s not a secret anyways…we just haven’t broadcast the news because we are still in the planning and organizing stage of the move.  Let’s see, we need my husband to get a job up in that area, find a place to live there, pack, move…you know – the usual relocation routine.  Let’s start with task # 1.  Anyone interested in hiring Glenn?  That’s the most difficult step in the process (not that Glenn isn’t difficult to hire…it’s just difficult to find a job in his field in that general area).

Why the move?  My heart is up there…it always has been.  My entire side of the family is up there and I miss them.  I want my girls to grow up around their extended family.  They adore their grandpa Kelly and grandma Sonja and they love playing with cousin Aiden and getting spoiled by aunt April and uncle Mick.  Of course, they get so excited to see everyone else whenever we are up there…I want them to be able to see all of their family on a more regular basis.

Plus, my hometown is a nice place to raise a family.  The cost of living is cheaper, there is more of a tight-knit community and um…my family is there.  Don’t get me wrong – I love the Columbus area.  After calling central Ohio my home for the last nine years it will not be easy to pack up and move, but I honestly have felt God steering our lives in that direction for the past couple of years.  We had attempted to relocate there two years ago and the timing just wasn’t right.  This time, it was my husband who mentioned wanting to move up there…and I was overjoyed that this is actually going to move forward! ((For all intents and purposes, we have made it our goal to be living in Fremont no later than the summer of 2011….sooner if at all possible.))

So, this is why my motivation is gone and my thoughts are all scattered.  I really am finding it hard to concentrate on my mundane day to day tasks when I really want to just pack up my entire household and move – immediately.  I guess I need patience more than I need motivation.

Now, back to the laundry that is calling my name.  Where is my motivation?

Maybe my motivation packed up and moved to Fremont along with my heart…sigh.

Yesterday my youngest turned four!  We had such a fun-filled day celebrating her birthday that I didn’t find time to sit down and publish this post I had written for her birthday.  Well, guess what?  She’s still 4 today…so here is her 4 year old birthday post.  :-)

My sweet youngest child – you are four years old today and I am so happy to be your mama!  When I found out you were on your way it was Valentine’s Day 2006 – and mama was in disbelief!  Your older sister, Jaliyah, was only six months old when daddy and I decided we wanted to give her a sibling – imagine my surprise when the next month I found out I was expecting you.  I was elated – you were the sweetest Valentine surprise – and you’ve had a special place in my heart ever since.

When I first discovered I was pregnant with you I wondered if there was enough room in my heart to be the mother of two children – but as you grew and developed, so did the size of my heart.  I felt such immense love for you from the moment I first saw you that I am certain the love in my heart more than doubled upon your arrival.  You were a gorgeous baby – you looked just like a doll – God made you perfect in every way.

Your personality was clear to me from an early age – you are such a happy child, so full of life and laughter.  You were always happy and content with such an easy-going and laid back personality.  (Trust me, mama thanked God over and over that I had such an easy newborn when I was busy trying to chase around a 15 month old.)

We were so blessed to add you to our family.  Your sister adored you from the moment she first saw you.  You put up with all of her toddler curiosities and as soon as you were able, copied everything she did – and that began all of your sisterly mischief.  She never showed any signs of jealousy – was thrilled with her new playmate.  I don’t think she remembers a time when she was an only child – being your big sister is all she knows.  You two are best friends and I don’t think either one of you would know what to do without the other one.  I hope your friendship will always be the center of your sister relationship – I am so glad that you two have each other to grow up with.  It brings me so much joy to see two sisters love each other as much as you two already do.

Everyone said “oh, your second child won’t talk as early because the older child will talk for them”.  They were wrong.  You not only talk just as much as your sister, you talk louder than everyone in the room.  We joke that you have two volumes: loud and louder.  Your rarely used whisper-voice is even loud.  You certainly make sure you are noticed.  You make sure that people hear you and everything you have to say.  And boy do you have a lot to say!  You are bright, imaginative and very in-tune to people’s feelings.

You love being the center of attention and making people laugh.  You are always doing something to make people smile: making silly faces, talking in a goofy voice or just acting silly – you are our little entertainer.  You love dancing, are obsessed with puppy dogs (your very best buddy, after Jaliyah of course, is Jaxson), adore babies and find great joy making other people happy.  Seriously, if someone is upset and there is some way you can “fix it” – you will.  You especially love making sure Jaliyah is happy – even if that means you play house and you always get to be the dad (or the baby, or prince charming, or whatever else Jaliyah needs you to be in her pretend world).  Or when you color together and you happily color your picture using all of the earth-tone crayons while Jaliyah choses the bright colors.  If mama mentions needing something from another room – you are off and running to go get it for me (“I’ll get it mama!”).  I could go on and on – but you quickly and easily put yourself second to make others happy and I love that unselfishness about you.

You are my little daredevil.  Just the other day you were caught jumping off your dresser (“because I wanted to fly mama!”).  You are always flipping off of the furniture, summer-salting across the floor and running wildly around the house.  When you were barely a year old you ran into the bathroom and fell headfirst against the bathtub (before daddy could catch you).  As we sat in the emergency room waiting to get your boo-boo stitched up we realized the wild adventurer you were.  Getting hurt certainly didn’t stop you.  You woke up the next morning and were off and running again – and you haven’t slowed down since.

You are incredibly smart – but also very stubborn and you do things according to your own time.  Walking, potty training, writing your name –  you did those things almost perfectly the first try without much practice but only when you were ready.  

You bring so much joy to our family.  You are our cheerful, sweet spirited, animated, caring, comedian second child. You are the sunshine in my life and I am so blessed to be your mama.  I love you and your silly four year old self.  :-)

…or rather, how I inspire the girls to do their chores.

Since the girls were toddlers we’ve always had them “do chores”.  As they’ve gotten older and wanted more independence I needed to find a way to keep them interested in doing their chores without me chasing behind them reminding them over and over of what they needed to do.  So, this is what I came up with:

1. I made chore cards using pictures I printed and glued to index cards.  Some of them are double – things that both girls are responsible for on a daily basis (brushing their teeth, for example) and some of them are single cards – things that only one of the girls needs to do daily (such as feed the dog) – these I alternate between the girls.

2. The girls each have an envelope with their name on it.  Every night I put the appropriate cards for the next day in their envelopes.  Then, when they wake up in the morning, they can look through their cards and see what tasks lie ahead of them.  There are certain cards that have to be done at a certain time (like they must brush their teeth in the morning and before bed time – and we often assist them in this) but others, like picking up their toys, they can manage their time and when they chose to complete the chore.  All chores (except for those that are part of their bedtime routine) must be completed by the time we eat dinner.  After dinner we start our bedtime/evening routine of baths, story time, etc. – this way they are not scrambling around trying to finish all of their chores and delaying bedtime.

As they complete their chores throughout the day they let me (or daddy) know and we check that it is completed properly – then they can put their completed chore cards into the “Finished Chore Box”.

3. At the end of the evening, if they have completed all of their chores and their envelopes are empty, they get a sticker to put on their chart for the day.  Each sticker is worth something and reward day is on Sunday when they can “cash in” their stickers.

Each Sunday they count their stickers.  1 sticker = 1 coin for their piggy bank.  The value of coins vary (usually based on what I pull out of my change purse).  Right now they really don’t care about how much they are “earning” and the point isn’t really to earn an allowance – as I believe kids should be responsible for chores as their contribution to the household – and they shouldn’t be paid for them.  The purpose of the coins is to give them some small reward for every day they completed their chores – and to be honest, at 4 and 5, coins for their banks excites them.

If they have completed chores every day that week (earning 7 stickers), they get to chose a prize from mama’s “treasure chest”.  Basically, I just have a smallish plastic box that has little prizes (coloring books, little toys, etc).

Oh, by the way – in case you were wondering, below is their current list of chores.  I add chores as they get older/more capable of doing more chores.  Of course, this isn’t the complete list of things they help out with around the house – I am always teaching them to do new tasks or asking them for help in doing odd jobs.  This is just what they are required to do on a daily basis:

Brush teeth (2 x a day), put shoes away into the closet, put dirty clothes into their hamper, feed the dog, empty the silverware from the dishwasher and put it away(I put away the knives first), do homework, clean up their toys, make their beds, clear their dirty dishes from table and put them into the sink, straighten up the living room (usually it’s their stuff that gets scattered around in there), and straighten up the family room.  They also have a non-chore card that reminds them to “be a super star” – (my way of reminding them to have good behavior – acting kind towards others, obeying their parents, etc.)  Of course for the “super star” card they have to have overall good behavior all day to be able to put this card away.  Obviously they are still learning to control their emotions and make good decisions about their actions and they sometimes slip up and have a moment of bad behavior – but as long as overall they were well-behaved they have “completed” this card.

So far this system works for us.  Obviously it will change and evolve as they get older and coins/treasure chests aren’t “cool” anymore…but for now it’s a success.  The kids are excited about doing their chores (they LOVE looking through their cards at breakfast every morning) and they are getting done with less complaining than before.  :-)

Happy kids (and completed chores) = one happy mama.

Today is October 1st, which means I only have 13 more days left of Kamiya being  3 years old.  She is growing taller by the minute it seems and in growing taller, thinning out and losing her baby “chub”.  She is growing and maturing into a sweet older preschooler…but there are times that I just want to freeze time so she could stay little forever.

Earlier this week, we took Jaliyah to school and came home to go about our usual afternoon routine.  It was a rainy, gloomy, chilly day and as I tucked Kamiya in for her nap, I got this overwhelming sense of needing to snuggle with her.  Laundry and other housekeeping tasks (that I usually do while she’s napping and Jaliyah is in kindergarten) would always be there waiting to be completed.  But my sleepy three (almost four) year old who won’t be taking naps much longer and certainly someday soon (cry) will not want to snuggle with her mama…well, she’s growing up right before my eyes and I needed to cherish some snuggle time with her.

We climbed into my bed and snuggled up.  I laid there with my heart overflowing with love for her – smiling as her chubby little hands rubbed my arm as she was nodding off.  I am immensely blessed to be her mama.

So, as I sat down to type a blog post, someone wandered down from their bed.  Even though she was supposed to be napping, I caught glimpse of her chubby little hands clutching her stuffed green frog…

“Mama….I want to take a nap in your bed again…” She whispered.

Oh, goodness…would you look at those precious little fingers?  I’m sorry, dear blog friends, but I might just have to go oblige.  If I hesitate, she might change her mind.  :-)

I love my crockpot – and I use it year round to make all kinds of things.  If you do not have a crockpot – you must get one!  And if you have one and don’t use it – time to break it out!  Tonight, I made chicken cordon bleu in the crockpot – it was easy and so delicious.

(Sheesh, that’s a huge pile o’ peas on the plate…it must have been the angle of the picture or someone has a secret love of peas…lol!)

I threw this together around lunchtime and completely forgot to take a picture of the ingredients.  You will need 2-3 chicken breasts, slices of ham, slices of swiss cheese, 1 can of cream of mushroom soup (I used 98% fat free – but you can use the regular kind or any other “cream of” soup that you prefer) and 1/3 cup of milk.

(I made 6 servings since Glenn takes leftovers for lunch throughout the week, I always try to cook more than we will eat – plus my brother-in-law came over for dinner tonight, too.)  Anyway, I used 3 chicken breasts and butterflied each one to make it thinner.  Then, place the chicken into a large ziplock bag and pound thin.  You might have some preferred method of doing this, or a fancy shmancy tool – I used the can of soup – I am just innovative like that.

Ok, once the chicken is pounded thin, lay a slice of ham (I used regular Virginia Baked Ham sliced from the deli) on the chicken and then a slice of swiss cheese.  Roll the chicken breast around the ham/cheese and use toothpicks to secure.  Spray the crockpot with non-stick cooking spray and then place each piece of chicken, seam side down, on the bottom of the crockpot.  Once all of the chicken is rolled up and in the crockpot, season the chicken with a little pepper (I didn’t salt the chicken because the soup and cheese have enough salt in them).  Mix the can of soup with 1/3 cup of milk until throughly combined and then pour it over the chicken.  Cover and cook on high for 4 hours, or until chicken is cooked through.  (You could probably also cook it on low for 7-8 hours).

When done, remove chicken from crockpot – be sure to remove all toothpicks before serving!  The sauce that is left in the crockpot is awesome over rice or on top of the chicken.  YUMMY!   The chicken is tender, and the cheese is all melted – the layers of chicken/ham/cheese are just delicious.  And I promise the sauce it makes tastes nothing like boring old cream of mushroom soup – all of the flavors meld together and make it just wonderful and creamy.

Please give this recipe a try sometime.  You will not believe you can make something so delicious (and so “French and fancy”) in your crockpot.  Enjoy!

I love my crockpot.  I love chili.  I love that I’ve been “on plan” with Weight Watchers and I’ve lost almost 10 pounds in the last month since I’ve started (yeah, my youngest is almost 4 – it’s time for me to get serious and lose the “baby fat” – but that is neither here nor there.)

For those three reasons, I love this soup.  Sure, it’s technically a weight watcher recipe…but I promise you – there is nothing “diet” tasting about it.  It’s is healthy, it is hearty, it is delicious and it is fairly cheap to make – all reasons why this is in our regular rotations of dinners.  I don’t remember exactly where I got this recipe – but there are lots of variations out there (and it is very similar to my own recipe for chili).

Anyway, enough talk – here’s the scoop on the Taco Soup.

This is what you will need: your crockpot, 1 pkg of powdered ranch mix, 1 pkg of taco seasoning, 1 can of pinto beans, 1 can of chili beans, 1 can of diced tomatoes with green chilies (aka Rotel), 1 larger can of diced tomatoes, 1 can of corn.  Not pictured, 1 pound of extra lean ground beef or lean ground turkey and one medium diced onion (those two items missed the class picture with the rest of the ingredients…oops).

** Because we like spicy food, I often use the “spicy or hot” variety of the ingredients – if you don’t like spiciness you can tone it down by using regular or mild variations of the taco seasoning/chili beans/Rotel.

Directions: Cook the ground beef on the stove (along with the diced onion) until meat is browned and cooked thoroughly.  Drain any fat and put the meat into the crock pot.  Add the remaining ingredients (do not drain the liquid from any of the cans) to the crockpot and stir to combine.  Set on low and cook for 6-8 hours (or on high for 3-4 hours).

I’m not sure how many servings this makes but I made it tonight and it easily fed 3 adults and 2 kids (and my girls love this and eat 2 bowls a piece) and I have three or four servings of leftovers for lunches later this week.

I encourage you to try this soup if you like chili!  Hope you enjoy it as much as we do!

Oh, and if you are on weight watchers, each serving is 2 points for a cup of the soup.  We top ours with reduced fat shredded cheese and fat free sour cream (obviously, if you are following weight watchers, those are additional points.)